Be Real
July 25, 2005
It’s easy for parents to think what children need
most from them is moral and spiritual perfection. That belief
often drives parents to hide their flaws in a corner closet,
close the door, lock it, and throw away the key. Such behavior
tells kids it’s more important to appear perfect than be real.
In healthy homes parents know God loves them unconditionally, so
they don’t need to pretend they’re someone else. They can be
real with the fact that they’re in process and have a long way
to go on their spiritual journey.
I’m not proud of the fact that while in college I experimented
with drugs. Nor that I have to continually keep a tight reign on
my sexual appetite. Yet, I don’t deny my past mistakes or
minimize my present weaknesses. I openly talk about them with my
sons. I’m convinced such authenticity creates an environment
where children feel comfortable with themselves—both their
strengths and weaknesses.
I find it fascinating that children are told to be themselves.
Such advice isn’t easy to follow when a child grows up in a
family where “being yourself,” brings trouble. It’s much easier
when they learn they’re precious though flawed, and accepted
though imperfect.
Some parents fear such an attitude might encourage bad behavior.
Yet, what good comes from denying or minimizing our brokenness
and sin? None! Remember the woman caught in adultery. What she
feared most happened. Her secret sins surfaced in the presence
of the religious leaders, curious spectators, and Jesus.
The Pharisees used the episode to trap Jesus in an apparent
no-win situation. If he condemned her to death by stoning, he
would stand in opposition to the Romans, who alone could execute
a criminal. If he released her, he would defy the Law of Moses,
which decreed the death penalty in such cases.
Jesus did neither. He challenged those without sin to throw the
first stone. After everyone had left and she remained alone with
Jesus, the Lord accepted her and said, “Go now and leave your
life of sin” (John 8:11).
To admit sin isn’t to embrace it—it’s a crucial step in
overcoming it. Real people are comfortable with their brokenness
because they know God is changing them. And in healthy homes
parents help their children cultivate the kind of integrity
which leaves a priceless legacy: the ability to be real . . .
the same on the inside as they appear on the outside. Kids like
that can be real because they’re comfortable with themselves.
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