Fight For Your Marriage
By Phil Shaffer
July 18, 2005
Spending the rest of my life in this marriage feels like a death
sentence. I want a divorce. As I drove to work one morning a few
years ago those thoughts tormented me. My outlook felt as dark as
the thick layer of clouds settling in to produce yet another of the
gray days that typify winter in the Midwest. My emotions cried out
for freedom from the pain and hopelessness I felt after twenty years
of marriage.
The content of my daily devotion that morning compounded my agony.
The scripture reading about marriage placed a finger on an open
wound, “‘Guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with
the wife of your youth. I hate divorce’, says the Lord God of
Israel.” (Malachi 2:15-16) Easy for you to say, God; you are not
married to my wife.
Emotions told me to run for the exits and avoid future pain.
Feelings reminded me of all of things I deserved but had been
denied. I knew the responsibility for my marital problems, as with
most marriages, rested “on the 50 year line”, meaning both spouses
share the blame. Still, I pondered the numerous ways my wife had
hurt me and my utter hopelessness that she would ever change.
Perhaps we did not hear properly from God when we made our
commitment. Maybe God made a mistake.
Overruling my emotions, I decided to follow God regardless of how
painful the path. I made several important decisions:
- I consciously allowed my heavenly father to meet my deepest
needs. I committed to remain obedient and connected to him, even
if my wife never changed.
- I daily trusted in his faithfulness remembering that he makes
all things work together for good for those who love him.
- I closed all exits from my marriage.
- I sought to know God more deeply by daily soaking up his Word.
Since then, God has nurtured our marriage. He is bringing about
changes in both my wife and me that did not seem possible. I remain
faithfully committed to the bride of my youth. Better yet, I find
myself falling in love with her again. I now see that our love
existed all along, but the accumulated pains of life had buried it
deeply. Emotions, like shifting sands, prove a poor foundation for
decision making.
Now, I celebrate the freedom that results from obedience to God’s
word. I observe true joy taking root in our home. Laughter and peace
are commonplace. I see confidence and a growing God dependence in my
three sons. I wonder how different their lives would have been if I
had chosen the path that my father took when he abandoned his
family.
Brothers in Christ, the greatest freedom we will ever experience is
found in our willingness to be obedient to our God. The words of the
psalmist say it best: “My only hope is in your laws. I will keep on
obeying your law forever and forever. I will walk in freedom, for I
have devoted myself to your commandments” (Psalm 119:43-45 (New
Living Translation).
Unfortunately, the hurt from broken relationships strikes us all. If
you suffer from the pain of divorce, know that God loves you. If
you’re facing marital struggles, know that God actively seeks to
change hearts and restore relationships.
Satan seeks to tempt, confuse and discourage us. He wants to destroy
our marriages. The deceiver whispers that we will feel better and
find liberty if we follow him. But only compliance to God’s commands
brings true freedom. We will never go wrong by placing our complete
trust in God. He alone satisfies the deepest needs in our souls. He
is the Lord who restores.
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