Love Your Wife
February 24, 2003
I find it distressing, but not surprising, that
according to the Barna Research Group "Born again Christians are
just as likely to get divorced as non-born again adults." I
realize there are a host of reasons for the breakdown of
marriages among Christians. But I'm convinced, after counseling
hundreds of couples for over two decades, that a major factor in
the failure of marriages is the passivity of men.
That reality is both good and bad news. The good
news is that a decision on the part of a husband to provide his
wife with spiritual leadership and emotional nurturing can
infuse a marriage with vitality. The bad news is passive men
don't usually act until a marital explosion gets their
attention--and then it's often too late.
My wife, Cindy, and I had only been married for a
couple of years when our relationship unraveled. She would say I
had become an insensitive and uncaring jerk--an assessment that
seemed a bit extreme to me. At the time I was attending
seminary, leading a Young Life club, and helping start a new
church. I didn't have a lot of time left over for Cindy.
While driving home from seminary one day I had a
conversation with God.
"Please fix Cindy."
No answer.
"Please show me how I can fix Cindy."
No answer.
Desperate, I pleaded with God. "I'll do anything.
Tell me what to do."
In that moment a passage from the Bible burned
itself into my heart, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25).
I had read that passage countless of times. I had
memorized it. I had studied it in the original language. I had
attended a seminar in which someone else had dissected the verse
and explained its meaning. But while driving my car on the
Dallas/Fort Worth Freeway God used that verse, like a farmer's
plow, to soften my hard heart.
God wanted me to love Cindy sacrificially. Looking
back, I realize God performed a supernatural work that day. At
the core of my being I determined to obey God. Before arriving
home I identified three major changes I needed to make in the
way I treated my wife . . . just three: 1) Take time every day
to listen to her with my full attention; 2) Pray with her every
day; 3) Show her non-sexual affection every day.
I told God, that by his grace, I would practice
these changes every day for one month (I figured I could keep
that promise). I also said that if it didn't make a radical
difference in my marriage we would see a counselor. Of course, I
told Cindy none of this since I figured she wouldn't take me
seriously.
A month later when I told her about my
conversation with God I didn't need to convinced her that I had
meant business. She already knew. And I had learned a valuable
lesson. I discovered that my love and leadership are the keys to
a happy wife and a fulfilling marriage. Of course, after years
of marriage I've discovered I periodically struggle with
passivity and have to recommit myself to actively loving my
wife. Fortunately, the periods of passivity don't last as long
or do as much damage.
This week--get active in loving your wife. If
you're single--don't be passive in letting those you care for
know about your love. Show it!
|
